David A. Fields Consulting Group Playing Along vs. Playing Nice. A Common Misstep that Could be Costing Your Consulting Firm
The “real world” and consulting best practices occasionally diverge. One example is divisiveness.
All around us, people decry divisiveness and hateful rhetoric while, in the US at least, many of those same people dish out ad hominem attacks and demeaning language.
From a consulting standpoint, does deriding or disdainful rhetoric matter for your firm and, in particular, for your revenue?
Yes it does.
If you want your consulting firm to consistently win the largest, most lucrative projects you identify, your prospective clients must absolutely, wholeheartedly Trust you.
Let’s say you’re courting Carmen Ripert, CEO of the eponymously named Carmen Ripert Shops, in hopes of winning their international expansion project.
You know that Carmen intensely dislikes King Charles and, in an effort to built rapport with Carmen, you serve up a couple of witty, cutting jokes, that disparage King Charles.
Carmen laughs with you, but what is Carmen really thinking? Have you helped your cause or hurt it?
Even while enjoying your jokes, Carmen is thinking, “I wonder if this consultant will tear me down at some point?”
Carmen’s concern calls into question the “You won’t harm me” aspect of Trust.
Trust is enhanced when you build up.
Trust is eroded when you tear down.
Demeaning or belittling others will never help your consulting firm’s cause. Shaming someone in front of others will actively damage your consulting firm’s reputation.
You can build relationships, support your clients, and support their efforts without denigrating, mocking or disparaging others.
When your clients traffic in personal insults, resist the urge to join in. Don’t play along. You don’t have to assume the mantle of moral police; however, keep your consulting firm out of the muck.
Playing along may be tempting. Playing nice will serve you better.
Remaining steadfastly positive and kind to others is good personal behavior, and it’s also good for your consulting business.
Have you ever seen consultants “play along” with negative behavior? What are your thoughts on this?
Text and images are © 2024 David A. Fields, all rights reserved.
Hi, David,
interesting and important topic, It’s televant also in personal life, mot only in business.
Playing along is more another of the six pillars (like), and playing nice is more related to biulding or at lesst supporting the trust pillar.
How we play is a true question of our (personal/business) values and virtues.
In this case the values like empathy, honesty and integrity help us to play nice. The virtues on the other hand that drive our behaviour in this case, if we take Aristotel’s theory though many modern theories exist, I would point out three: gentleness, or concern for others, truthfulness and justice.
In such cases I usually try to immediatelly bring back our conversation with the customer to his/her challenges and relevant topics, avoiding playing along.
Wonderful, Tomaž! Gentleness, truthfulness and justice are good supports for a personal and professional values system. (Though some people wield justice like a claymore.)
You’ve brought up an interesting point: does playing along help the Like pillar? That is, after all, why peer pressure is so effective–people participate in bad behavior so that they will be accepted and Liked. Inclusion is a powerful motivator. Refusing to play along may not feed Like, but it does typically engender respect (albeit sometimes grudgingly). For your consulting firm, being likeable, while prioritizing respect and Trust is the right path.
Thank you for the thoughtful and provocative response, Tomaž!
Yea to Tomaz and ditto! When we focus on ways we can work together to repair the world, acting in ways that honor and dignify every person we interact with then we act as partners and not perpetuators.
Love that approach, Bill. Repairing the world, or tikkun olam, is a noble North Star for individuals and for firms. Great, memorable distinction: partners vs. perpetuators.
You added an inspiring take on the conversation, Bill. Thank you!
Hi David,
Good stuff, and especially relevant in today’s polarized political environment.
I’ve found that being an exemplar for the values and priorities that you hold dear is the most powerful way to be successful and happy as an individual, as well as the most powerful way make the greatest positive contibution to our society.
For example, consideration, or caring about others (like clients), is the single best predictor of leadership success, and it’s certainly essential for true personal happiness.
Well said, Doc. Our values are how we behave, not what we say about how we intend to behave. Being an exemplar of kindness is rarely going to lead you in the wrong direction.
Thank you for adding to the discussion, Doc!
Blamethrowers – people who forcibly cast blame on others.
Blamethrowers are often projecting their own issues or failures onto others.
Huh, Jay, that’s a term I haven’t heard before. Very descriptive and apt! You’re right that most anger and vitriol actually stems from poor self-regard. Thanks for adding that term and thought, Jay!
I think I may have just invented “blamethrowers” the other day by accident.
Goes along with “Blame storming”.
Funny, Jay! You get credit for the term.